No one wants to believe their spouse could be cheating on them. But according research conducted in January 2014, the reality is we should be aware of the signs.
|Percent of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional
|Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had
|Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had
|Percent of married men who have strayed at least once during their married lives
|Percent of married women who have strayed at least once during their married lives
|Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker
|Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips
|Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law
|Average length of an affair
|Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered
|Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught
|Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught
|Percent of children who are the product of infidelity
(Source: Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy)
1. He takes or makes phone calls in private.
2. He deletes the text history on his phone.
3. He maintains multiple e-mail or social media accounts.
4. He avoids family or other social events.
5. He suddenly spends tons of time with another person.
6. He gives gifts or frequently volunteers to help another person.
7. You notice a different scent on him.
8. He doesn’t touch you as much.
9. He dresses differently.
10. He’s gone longer.
11. He picks fights.
12. He’s being extra secretive.
13. There is a change in the emotional quality of your relationship.
14. He’s extremely angry.
15. You notice an increase in his work or his time spent away from home.
16. He pays an unusual amount of attention to his appearance.
17. He’s overly defensive.
18. His appearance has changed.
19. His behavior has changed.
20. His attitude has changed.
21. He wants less “we time” and more “me time.”
If you suspect your spouse is cheating on you, feel free to contact me to investigate.
I’m not sure why people lie.
In my line of work, I witness it ALL the time.
On November 20, The Statesman had a story that, according to police, a woman’s report that she was kidnapped and assaulted was a lie.
First of all, I’ll say this: if you feel a wrong has been committed to you (or anyone), you should always report it. But with that being said, I’d like to add… if you’re a woman, you have a special responsibility towards claims against men. Unfortunately, bad things happen all the time- to women and men. But if a man is accused of assault against a women, even if the notion is just hinted at… his life could be ruined.
Even if an investigator, like me, can prove that a guy is completely innocent, the damage to his reputation will have likely already taken place.
What can a guy do if he’s been accused?
If the accusation is causing enough of a problem, the man can seek legal advice. It’s possible the accuser is committing “defamation of character.”
The man can hire someone like me to prove his innocence. At the very least, this should give peace of mind to those who are close to the man (the people who, hopefully, already believe him).
Nowadays, accusations may never even make it to the police. Or, if they do, there may not be enough evidence for them to act. So… the accuser will take to the internet. They can leave comments on public news stories, make statements on their own social media avenues, etc… Many times, it’s tough to get these removed. But, the man can hire someone who specializes in SEO (Search Engine Optimization). With the right steps, negative statements can be pushed back in search results leaving positive results.
What if the man is guilty?
If the man is guilty, he should be brought to justice. If the police are unable to act because there isn’t enough evidence, a Private Investigator can look into the situation.
When it comes to your partner cheating, I don’t believe there are any definitive clues. He could be working late, or he could be cheating late. He could be dressing up for you — or his mistress. That’s what makes this type of thing so confusing and hurtful. When you trust your spouse, you trust his explanations. But there are always certain things that get our antennae up. They don’t seem to change much over the years, though with the advent of technology, those little hints now seem to involve a lot more cellphones and social media and a lot less lipstick on the collar (unless you’re President Obama). Here are 10 classic signs your guy (or your woman) might be cheating.
1. He starts dressing better. According to divorce lawyer Marilyn Stowe, this is still a sign you should look out for. Did he suddenly morph from flannel and dirty boots to smart suits and shiny loafers? I’d add in wearing cologne all of a sudden, or changing the cologne he always wears to something new. Could be a sign the mistress gave him a bottle that she likes better.
2. Guarding the cellphone. This is one I’ve heard a lot in my girlfriend circles — he suddenly starts sleeping with the cellphone by his bedside, or bringing it into the shower with him. He may turn it off when you’re together and say he doesn’t want to be disturbed while he’s with you — but he really doesn’t want to risk her texting or calling while you’re there. If he won’t even let you touch his phone, sumpthin’ up.
3. Password protecting everything. In this day and age, it’s prudent to password protect your phone, but it can also be a sign if he suddenly starts doing it when he never cared before. Or he refuses to give you the password.
4. He takes out new credit cards in his name. According to Stowe, this is a sign that he’s spending money on the new flame — especially if the bills go to another address or he has them delivered online only.
5. He begins making hurtful remarks about you. Picking fights all of a sudden is a classic ploy — this way if he ever gets caught, he can blame it on you and say you two were always fighting!
6. He begins to drop a female name into his conversations. I’ve heard this one before, that a guy having an affair will start bringing up a certain woman all of the time. Apparently it gives him an adrenaline rush to feel like he can talk about her and get away with it. I’d also add avoiding talking about a certain woman — say he starts working on a project with a woman but he NEVER mentions her. That’s weird if he’s spending a lot of time with her.
7. Talking about how “ugly” or “horrible” a certain woman is. This is one I’ve seen a few times — a guy tries to cover up his attraction to a certain woman by slagging her off every chance he gets.
8. He suggests separate holidays. According to Stowe, this is a clear sign he wants you out of town.
9. Doesn’t want sex. He may not reject you, but he’ll go along with your rejections where he may have previously fought them. Now it’s like, “Sure, let’s watch a movie instead. Noooo problem.”
10. Social media. I’m simply amazed at how many men forget that their wife or girlfriend is on their Facebook and yet they will flirt or even “check in” with another woman also on his Facebook. Must think women are blind!
While these are fairly “classic” signs, I’ve also seen and experienced the complete opposite. I know one husband who was doing basically all of the above — but after much investigating, his wife couldn’t find any evidence of him having an affair. And I’ve been in a situation where a guy was doing none of the above — but was.
Such is life. It’s always a conundrum.
Written by Kiri Blakeley on CafeMom’s blog, The Stir.